Momentum (n): Driving Power or Strength

Momentum.

It’s merely a word. A word average in both length and usage. You study momentum in physics and maybe throw the word around every now and again in reference to a race or perhaps a political campaign. It flows out of your mouth with ease in this kind of context – in this context, it really is just a word.

Then, one day, momentum isn’t just a word anymore. It’s a name – a name of a gap-year program through your church that you feel called to. Momentum suddenly doesn’t roll off the tongue. It gets choked over and swallowed down for weeks, then eventually months. Many tears are shed and many prayers are said, all over Momentum.

Momentum suddenly has multiple meanings in your life. There’s the meaning within the classroom, and then there’s the meaning that involves sacrificing real, tangible things for Jesus.

Saying yes to Momentum meant I would have to leave behind St. Lawrence University and my generous scholarship. Saying yes to Momentum would subject me to ridicule from friends, family and even perfect strangers. Saying yes to Momentum would cost me money, time and a lot of effort. Saying yes to Momentum would lead me to places that intimidate and frighten me, like Gulu, Uganda. Saying yes to Momentum would declare publicly that my faith takes precedence over my education. Saying yes to Momentum would disrupt the status quo. It would go against the grain. Saying yes would mean heartache. Saying yes would mean sacrifice.

And I said yes.

One day, I stopped choking and instead coughed up the word: Momentum. It came out as a mere whisper to my pastor at first. “Greg, I’m going to do Momentum.” My volume began to rise as I wrote the word down – Momentum – in a letter of explanation to my parents. Then I began to shout it from the rooftops, loud and proud, to anyone who asked me about my future plans.

I’m not writing any of this to defend my decision – it doesn’t need defending. I’m writing this to explain and, hopefully, inspire.

When I first heard about Momentum, it was because one of my very best friends, Jenna, was joining the program following our high school graduation. And I admired her for it. Jenna, the smartest girl I ever knew, was postponing college to study the bible for a year and grow in her faith. How honorable. How sacrificial. How Jenna. How not Chelsea.

Fast forward to my second semester of college…And something isn’t right. I’m unsatisfied. I’m unhappy. I’m restless. When I say restless, I don’t mean I was fidgety or uneasy. I mean I did not rest. Night after night, as I went to lay my head down on the pillow, regardless of the day I had, I would sob wildly. I couldn’t rest. I couldn’t find peace.

It didn’t add up – I was doing well in my classes, I had friends at college and I was making my parents proud. I loved my job, I loved my church and I loved my life. Why then, did I feel so empty? Why wasn’t my heart at peace? Why wasn’t I happy anymore?

I read through the Bible, searching for answers. I prayed over it constantly. And I got my answer: God wanted me elsewhere. He didn’t want me to be peaceful here because it wasn’t where He planned for me to be. To me, this meant that I must be at the wrong university. I contemplated transferring to a bible college downstate – surely that would appease God and finally I’d be able to sleep again.

Then I was at dinner with my youth pastors, Greg and Jess, when Jess dropped a bombshell. The Holy Spirit had communicated to Jess that I should sign up for Momentum next year, and if I did, I would do a complete 180 degrees and become a whole new person. I told her I couldn’t leave college. I told her I couldn’t risk my scholarship. I told her my parents wouldn’t be on board. I told her I was too scared. They said they understood, but insisted I should pray on it.

That same night, I was back in my room when again the wild sobs of discontentment took me over. I decided to take their advice and pray over Momentum. “Is that where you want me, God?” I asked the question, but didn’t really expect an answer until I heard the still, small voice deep in my heart: Yes.

Yes?! God must’ve misunderstood me. He must be confusing me with someone else. I was already enrolled at this big, prestigious, expensive university. I already had a plan: journalism major, religious studies minor. I had already committed the next four years of my life. Didn’t God know that I was too smart and had worked too hard in school to not attend college? Didn’t He understand that this plan of secondary education had been set in stone since I was a small child? Didn’t God see all that I would lose if I did Momentum?

Yes, He knew all of that. He understood every bit of it. But He was asking me to choose – follow Him wholeheartedly or halfheartedly.

Following Him halfheartedly was easy and comfortable. I could follow my exact life plan of college, career, marriage and babies without God’s input, but still enjoy God’s perfect love and grace come every Sunday morning. Following Him wholeheartedly would be hard and require a whole lot of trust. I would essentially be handing God the keys and saying, “Here, You can drive.” I’d be giving up the picture in my head of what my life should look like for a life only God could picture.

But did I really want any of the things I thought I wanted, like a career, marriage and babies, if Jesus wasn’t at the center?

I turned to my life verse. Jeremiah 29:11 – ” ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ ” I’d read the verse a thousand times, but had I ever really believed it? Had I ever really believed that I could trust God’s plans? Had I ever really believed His plans were good, with no intention of harming me? No, I hadn’t. I was scared of God’s plans for my life because He hadn’t consulted me in making them. What if He called me to be a missionary and I’d never see American soils again? Or what if He wanted me to become a nun and never marry or have kids? But as I read through Jeremiah 29:11, I began to believe that maybe His plans really were for my good, that maybe they really would make me happy.

Psalm 37:4-5 only reiterated this: “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this.”

God not only has all these good plans for my life, but He actually wants to give me the desires of my heart! Choosing to follow Him wholeheartedly may mean my life won’t look exactly as I pictured it, but now I realize that’s not a bad thing. Choosing to follow Him wholeheartedly may lead me to places I wouldn’t have expected and to people I didn’t plan on, but God’s plans are better than any plan I could’ve ever imagined! God knows me better than I know myself, and He knows what will really make me happy. He knows where I need to be when I need to be there, because He sees the whole picture while I see one small piece! His plans for my life will yield more than just good things and my heart’s desires – they’ll yield fulfillment. In knowing that I’m fulfilling God’s will for my life, I will be fulfilled.

And so, a few months ago, after a powerful worship service, I went to Greg and said yes to Momentum. But in doing so, I said yes to more than just committing a year of my life to Jesus. I said yes to a whole life, lived dutifully and beautifully for Jesus. I chose to follow God wholeheartedly when I chose Momentum, and I would never, ever go back to following Him halfheartedly because “Jesus is worthy of all our devotion.” (Radical, David Platt)

Momentum. It’s a word, yet it’s so much more than a word. Momentum has taught me to trust God and yield to His will. Momentum has taught me that following Jesus is hard and sacrificial, but rewarding and fulfilling like nothing else. Momentum has changed my whole life, and the program doesn’t even commence for another three weeks.

Momentum (n): Driving Power or Strength. This is a definition that I’m beginning to live out in my own life, and I pray that others will too. Chasing after Jesus with a driving power and strength. Following Him wherever He leads with a driving power and strength. Trusting in Him with all of my power and strength.